Relationship Goals

10:07 AM

Tim and I have been together since we were 14. We've officially been a couple for over half of our lives and I think that qualifies us as relationship professionals...Ok not really. I mean we survived our teenage years as a couple, we know things.

Being understanding is a basic principle of life. You must always be understanding, no matter what. This strongly applies and then some when it comes to a relationship and marriage. When either of us are in a bad mood or feeling angry we both try our hardest to give support but allow space. We don't selfishly take it personally. A lot of the time arguments are provoked in these circumstances.  You'd be surprised how often couples do this. They see the other's bad mood and want to make it about them. Just don't. Your tomorrow self will thank you. And under no circumstances save confrontational conversations for when you're laying in bed. That never leads to anything positive or constructive. The bed is for sleep and other deep conversations about life goals and stuff. (Oh you thought I meant....) Well that too.

Have separate hobbies. We have a lot in common and even more not in common. And that is perfectly fine. Don't push your interests on the other. When I want to watch football with Tim, I will. And I enjoy it. Either way, he enjoys football and I enjoy the space. All is well.

Let me circle back to qualifying as relationship pro's. That was just a joke, we by no means are professionals or have a perfect relationship. We've adapted good habits and treat each other with kindness, appreciation and respect. We are simply sharing a few that work for us. I want everyone to feel loved and adored. We are all worthy of that.

Our greatest mindset in our relationship is to have low expectations. For some reason that always sounds bad but continue reading what we mean and you'll understand and maybe even like the idea.
Couples who start out with high expectations of marriage are more likely to fail. I am always optimistic in our marriage because I know I am not in it for the betterment of my life. I didn't marry Tim to meet some sort of standard or expectation of thats what we're supposed to do or that it would fix anything or bring an extra dose of happiness. I love him and he loves me, we got married, nothing changed. I wasn't expecting it to. I wasn't expecting him to become any more than who he already was and vice versa. We know each others strengths, weaknesses and love language.(Figure out your love language here.) He needs love through affection, I need love through words. We both try to meet each others needs through that. He prefers to feel my love for him by holding his hand, rubbing his head, hugs and kisses, all that good stuff (I married a snuggler) and I like to hear it from him. Discovering that is always a great way to connect deeper with your partner. Ok, back to the low expectations. A strong marriage is created by simple moments of understanding and unconditional love. If you set the bar so high, your partner will do nothing but disappoint you and create resentment. Keeping expectations low create special intimate moments that are totally unplanned. I am not always great with words so I do hope I am explaining this well. This has been our best kept secret to a happy marriage. If you meditate on that for a minute and begin to apply it you will certainly feel the pressure let up tremendously. It is easier said than done but the more you take notice you will see the areas that you can improve and change by letting up on the expectations.

We definitely argue. We love to get our points across. Heck yeah we've gone to bed angry unlike that favorite piece of shared marital advice says. I really feel like that piece of advice is another form of high expectations and certainly means well but should be forgotten. Sleep on it, things are always clearer the next day. We do not let pride into our marriage. As hard as it is, I will apologize if I was in the wrong and so will he. We are too important to each other to let grudges build. To that you have to ask yourself...Is my pride more important to me than my partner?

I love these verses:
Pride leads to destruction, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 18:12

Pride leads only to shame. It is wise not to be proud. Proverbs 11:2

I am reading Proverbs at the moment and literally every verse is impactful on how to live a peaceful life. My footnotes I write in my daughters Bibles are endless.

Anyway, pride has no place in your marriage or life in general. Like the Bible says, it brings nothing but destruction. Take a deep breath in and let it all go.

As I'm writing this, I just had a funny thought. Why am I sharing this? I don't really know the demographics' of my readers. You could all be 11 years old but hey, maybe this can help you later on. I've felt a need to fulfill a calling. I don't really know what it is yet but I do know I am feeling this overwhelming urge to do what I can to help or spread positivity. I have a lot more substance to me than just hair and clothing. I love intimate conversations with people even though I am an introvert. I've often prayed for a bigger platform to do more but in my quiet thoughts I hear even just 1 is enough. If through anything we have shared we managed to bring joy, motivation, inspired someone to try something, start their own whatever, helped them in a relationship, made them curious about Jesus than that is all that matters to us.

I think a strong marriage is the core of every family and it's dynamics. It is something that we should nurture constantly, to grow and weather storms through. God says to love Him first and your spouse second. Boom, there you go.

Hope you enjoyed this post. If you have any questions or wish to chat with me you are more than welcome to shoot me an email.

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