Liv's Story

12:36 PM

Let's start at the beginning: Tim and I have been together since we were 14 years old. We took maybe 2 or 3 short breaks in High School but never to see other people. We have only been with each other. After high school Tim was planning on attending USD on a football scholarship but as a turn of fate he blew his knee out in the 2nd to last game of the season. He rebounded quite admirably and to this day I really couldn't tell his feelings on the situation. In every sense of the word, he took it like a man and moved on. Selfishly I was happy he wasn't leaving me in the Fall. I don't know where our relationship would have gone if he had left, it's crazy to think about but also a wonderful reminder to thank God even when you are utterly let down and disappointed because that only means something more wonderful is to be played out in His master plan and to be patient and never lose Faith.


I finished Cosmetology at 19 and Tim was accepted into The American Academy of Dramatic Arts. His second passion was acting. The timing was perfect and we made plans to move to LA (West Hollywood) and live together. I started working as an assistant at a swanky salon in Beverly Hills and Tim was taking acting classes while booking jobs as a model in-between. Life was great for 2 young teenagers pretending to be adults. Reflecting back, I have to give us some credit. We always paid our rent and bills and were entirely on our own financially by 20.

A year passed and Tim was feeling a loss of direction and purpose. He started praying. He would send a prayer up to God at 11:11 every day. This is something very spiritual and special to us and I don't share it lightly. His heart ached for a change or a sign that would send him in a new direction. Then in March he had a planned trip to Arizona, I drove him to the airport and I'll never forget that early drive back. I thought I was nauseous due to waking up early. I had to pull off into a Jewish Bagel Shop to throw up and then desperately needed to buy myself a salt bagel. It was so strange. I felt better a little later and took myself to the Grove. I remember getting Pink Berry and almost didn't make it home in time. I to this day cannot eat Pink Berry. I felt so tired and at this point I assumed I had the flu. The next morning I got sick again! Still assuming I had the flu. By the 4th day of this and realizing it was only in the morning the conclusion that I was pregnant hit me like a ton of bricks. I remember getting up off the bathroom floor and just knowing! I didn't even need a test. I knew.

So there I was alone in LA, with this giant life changing thing happening and I couldn't tell anyone. I was so scared but also completely at peace with it. My 21st birthday was the following weekend. How on earth was I going to pretend to be drinking? This would be my greatest acting performance of all time. And the morning sickness would perfectly play out as a hangover.

Tim meets me back in our home town from his trip to celebrate my birthday. I didn't even tell him but he already knew. We have this ability to read each others minds, I swear.

We head back to LA and immediately go buy a test. Instant POSITIVE! I waited in the other room and I'll never forget Tim's reaction. So there we were, 2 kids ourselves about to be parents. The hardest part was telling our family. We held onto this secret until I was about 5 months. The next time my mom saw me I was showing. Finally, we had to face the inevitable and just tell everyone. What a relief to have that over with and to now focus on the joy of having a baby.

I wanted a girl soooo bad. I remember feeling so guilty about it too. What if it's a boy and I'm sad. Already I am a terrible mother. I literally cried over this daily...it could have been the hormones but who knows.

The drive to the ultrasound place felt like hours. I was a wreck. I can still remember what I wore that day. Then they told us we were having a girl. We both cried, my sweet hubby is definitely in touch with his emotions... A perfect girl dad wouldn't you say? He cries in movies more than I do!

We decided to move home, to a more stable lifestyle. Tim admirably decided to go into the family business. He has worked very hard to provide for his family and allow for me to stay home with our girls.

However when we did move home I sure did feel that awful judging eye on me everywhere I'd go. I look young in general and at 21 I'm sure I looked like a 15 year old about to give birth. It hurt me. I got comments from everyone. It baffled me how people think it's ok to just spew remarks like I deserved them. I still feel a sense of shame from certain people. Never ever towards my precious Liv but towards the fact that we had a baby out of wedlock. We grew up in the same church my dad went to, so you could only imagine the "scandal!" Insert eye roll. A past friend of mines mother even said to me, "Well we are all very impressed that you are actually keeping it." My eye's almost popped out of my head! EXCUSE ME?!! I can't even count how many times I was asked if I thought Tim was going to marry me. It was a very hard time for me but I held my head high and continue to do so. Tim and I have built a solid foundation for our girls and now I thank those people for giving me the drive to do even better.

My Due date was November 7 but she decided to come on the 11th. I was induced which proved to be the trend when I have my babies. My body just likes to hold on and never let go. Im pretty sure she would still be in there had she not been forced out!

Liv's birth is a very dark, emotional and traumatizing memory for all of us. There was some malpractice that went on and she almost died. My Dr. slept through her pages. My nurse not wanting to be liable, pushed Liv back in and was literally being suffocated to death. She was non responsive when she was born. I remember looking at her and seeing this dark grey chunk of clay. That was literally my first thought when I saw my first born child. She was not placed on my chest while her sweet cry filled the room. Instead my room was filled with 3 different carts and about 15 Doctor's and Nurses. I was so young, I didn't know what was going on. To the right of me my baby was being resuscitated only to have her lung collapse due to over inflation and Tim to my left in shock. I recall a nurse saying let the mom see her before we take her, just incase. I looked at her precious face not knowing if she would be alive the next time I saw her. I told Tim to go with her. I didn't get to see her until the next day. I'll never forget the smell of the hand antiseptic I would put on my hands before each visit. There she was, cords everywhere, picc line, incubator, monitors, alarms...but all I saw were her pretty lashes and dainty little nose. She was the prettiest baby I had ever seen. So peacful and sweet. I couldn't get a straight answer from anyone as to why my baby was in here. In my young nievity I never assumed they were keeping me in the dark to save their own asses. Finally, her NICU Dr. paid me a visit. He explained that when she was being born the pressure had forced all the blood from her main organs (Like wringing out a sponge) and now we are assessing the damage. Will her organs begin functioning again, would she have cerebral palsy? It was all so scary. And then she was 2 days old and by the grace of God she fully recovered. Grace is her middle name. The nurses and Doctor's could not believe it nor explain it. God had moved mountains and healed our baby girl. There is no doubt in my mind that this sweet, kind hearted, empathetic little warrior was put here for a greater purpose. God has some major plans in store for her. I am honored that out off all the mother's on this earth God chose me to be hers. Everyday she makes me a better person. She makes me want to be more selfless, do a good deed for a stranger, strive to have a heart as big as hers. She was so meant to be even her birth date has significant meaning. Recall a few paragraphs back when my husband would pray on 11:11 everyday not knowing that his future daughter would be born on 11-11. God is so real and God is so good. All of life's left turns led us straight to you sweet girl.


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2 comments

  1. The best post ever! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing such a treasured and amazing God filled story❤️❤️❤️

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. God bless Liv on her birthday and always

    ReplyDelete

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