Real talk....

12:13 AM

(Me and NO make-up and a little lady creepin in the corner!! hehe)

So as my new years resolution I have decided to open up a little more, tap below the surface, a part of me that not to many people see. I am not too sure how a am preserved by people: kind, sincere, trustworthy, snobby, ditsy, etc. ( I hope only the good things:D) any ways, I am one of those people that take a very long time to warm up to others. It's not for any other reason then me being shy. Ive been this way since I was a little girl hiding behind my mothers leg. To be outgoing is a task I force upon myself. I never want to be thought of as rude or other terms but in the end what it all comes down to is a severe case of "anti social!" I don't know why I am this way, you can't get my mother to shut up! Lol maybe it's do to some major insecurities I have. I'm never comfortable with any current body image, at my smallest or biggest! Why? Why can't I be content and confident like my sister or close friends?! I'm always scrutinizing myself so in tern I feel as though my peers are looking at me in the same way?! I have a hard time being silly in fear of what people think. My husband always teases me saying, " why do you always think people are looking at you?!" The first time he said that it resonated in me, why do I think that?! Am I the only one that does?? I wish I didn't, what's it like to be carefree and comfortable with who you are? How am I suppose to raise 2 confident young ladies if I can't even be an example of one? Writting this is therapeutic for me, maybe one of you feel that same way? I've notices something about myself while being pregnant, I am talkative, more out spoken, social, everything I usually am not and I came to the realization that it's because I love the way I look pregnant! I am confident, beautiful, I can be ME because I am content with myself, I speak up when I other wise wouldn't, I express myself more. I want to feel like this all if the time. So here I am, someone that is constantly trying to be perfect, confessing I am no where near! I am no longer a size 24, my muscle tone is gone and I rarely work out, I don't cook a perfect meal every night, I don't have a spotless home, my car is a mess, and yes my thighs rub together! Phew that was way outside my comfort zone and I hope I don't regret this but in order for me to be me I have to stop trying to be something I'm not! I am really going to work on this, my insecurities wear me down like chains and that is not the accessory I want to define me! I will change this about me even if it takes on link at a time...

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2 comments

  1. Seriously loved all of that! I think thinking, writing, praying, and sharing are what it takes to overcome feelings like that! You start realizing what you're feeling, and it becomes clearer. I always get answers as I write. I finally started feeling confident and comfortable with who I am after I got married and felt so secure. So trust your hubby and those you know care about YOU. That will guide you to the ultimate goal of knowing your worth for yourself - that you are a daughter of God! Pray for that feeling and understanding, I have done it and gotten it. When you really know that, and feel it, you will be where you want to be with your confidence for yourself and your daughters. And until you get there, or in times where you are struggling again (I'm up and down too!), just act as if you have it, and work towards it, and be okay with the fact that you aren't there yet because you know you'll get there someday! It's a brave thing to acknowledge and attack something so naturally ingrained in us women. You got this, beautiful girl!

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  2. Thank you so much for sharing Liz!! That is so sweet and so very true. Its amazing how much you can change by simply praying. I am already feeling growth and change with in myself. xoxo

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